Pokemon: The Misadventures of Ash Ketchum!
by infinitestorm
Summary: The Misadventures of ASH in the Chuck Norris Region. An epic tale of how Ash got lost in there.
1. So Where IS Ash?

**NOTE: This is set in the time when Ash defeats the Unova Leage. AND REMEMBER, TRAINERS DO NOT UNDERSTAND THE TRANSLATIONS OF WHAT THE POKéMON SAY!**

The Misadventures of Ash Ketchum in the Chuck Norris Region…

**Chapter 1**

**So where _is_ Ash?**

* * *

><p>ZAAAAAAP. Hey you. Wake up!<p>

"Huh? What? Who are you?"

Your conscience.

"Really?"

No.

"Then who?"

The narrator.

"Aren't you breaking the fourth wall?"

Yes I am.

"Oh okay. Then who am I?"

Ash Ketchum. From Pallet Town. You just defeated the red-haired champion of Unova. Then a Pidove pooped on your head and you got knocked out. Aren't you lame?

"Oh right. Umm, why are you speaking with the greater and lesser symbol stuff?"

Because I want to.

"Oh okay. So whatcha want?"

I am here to help you learn.

"Learn what? I don't need any _learning_, I'm Ash Ketchum! From Pallet Town. And if it's math, forget it. I'm already an expert. Go on ask me a question."

1 plus 1. Oh, that's not even the point! Listen…

"23 is the obvious answer. Too easy. So what's the point?"

You're dumb. A plain dumb person. You gotta learn.

"Learn what?"

About being a person, dummy.

"Where will I learn that?"

The Chuck Norris Region.

"Where is that?"

Originally, Professor Oak was planning for you to go there, after you beat the champion of Unova, whose name I keep on forgetting.

"I think it was Bob or something."

That's not it. Anyway, I made arrangements for you to go there.

"How do I get there? Don't tell me teleportation."

Actually, that's the idea. The only way to access the Chuck Norris Region is by teleportation. I have here my TruthTeleporter.

"Haha, very funny. Now you're going to make me pay you something so you'll pretend to teleport me. What a scammer."

You know what, that's exactly what I was going to do. Minus the scamming part.

"Fine. I'll _play_ along with your game. What do you want from me?"

The only way for my teleporter to work is to say something about you which is true. That's why it's called the TruthTeleporter.

"Okay, I'm an awesome Pokémon trainer who has several super strong Pokémon and a freakish Pikachu who defies the laws of physics."

Liar.

"What do you want me to say then?"

Say that you're an idiot three times.

"Why would I do that?"

First of all, you're a plain idiot. You pick the worst Pokémon. Second of all, you're a sleepyhead. Third of all, you can't notice the girls you travel with.

"What girls?"

Misty, May, Dawn, Iris.

"Who are they?"

…

"Anyway, that doesn't matter. What matters is I'm not going, scammer. I am not calling myself what I'm not."

So what are you not then?

"An idio— Oh I know this trick! You're not fooling me," said Ash as he crossed his arms and pouted.

Oh looky, I have this chocolatey drink! C'mon have it!

"OOOOH! GIVE IT! GIVE IT!"

Bottom's up!

_Glug, glug, glug._

"Oh that tasted great. But I feel like I'm dizzy, in some sort of trance."

Yes! My HypnoticChocolateyDrink Concoction works! You are getting veeeeeeeeeery sleepy!

"I am sleepy. _Yaaaaawn_."

You will say you are an idiot three times.

"I am an idiot, I am an idiot, I am an idiot, wait what? SCAAAAAAMEEERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR—"

Ash didn't have time to finish his sentence as he was sucked through a warphole. He was stretched, pulled, and flattened as he traveled through time and space. As he blasted through the psybeam-colored warphole, he saw Dialga and Palkia working together, fueling the portal. After a few minutes of blasting through for time and space, appeared.

See? You are an idiot. My TruthTeleporter is proof.

"Fine, fine! So where again are we going?"

A few corrections for you: _You_ are going, not _we._ I'll be there every now and basically, just you. And just to remind you _again_, we're going to the Chuck Norris Region. Got it?

"Got it. Where again?"

Idiot.

"Idiot? Where is that? I thought Idiot was an adjective, not a place?"

…Nevermind. When you arrive there, there will be a tollbooth guarding the entrance. You got to pay—too late. You're here. See ya Ash!

"Wait, what?"

_CRASH!_ Ash fell on an open field, which was enclosed by huge, chocolate-covered mountains, which reached high above the sky. The only way out of that field was through a… tollgate. Ash gathered himself, and walked to the tollbooth.

"Hi! Welcome to the Chuck Norris Region. May I help you?" asked the friendly receptionist who looked a lot like Nurse Joy.

"Nurse Joy?"

"No Receptionist Amanda. There are a lot of us here. We are comparable to Nurse Joys though. I see you are a rookie trainer. You have no Pokémon?"

"I have LOTS of Pokémon Nurse Joy—err… I mean Receptionist Amanda!"

"So where are they? I need to register them."

"Ummm…" said Ash as he checked his pockets for Pokéballs.

Suddenly, a bright light appeared and a Pikachu fell down from the sky, with a tag around his neck.

_Pikapika. _(That was dizzy.)

"Pikachu! There you are! What's that, a note? …Sorry Ash, I found out that Pikachu dislikes sweet food and likes spicy food more, so my HypnoticChocolateyDrink Concoction didn't work, so I had to make HypnoticChiliConcoction…" said Ash.

"That . Hypnotizing my poor Pikachu. Anyway Receptionist Amanda, I'm registering this Pikachu."

"Okay. What's your name by the way?"

"Ash Ketchum from Pallet Town."

"Good. This is your ChuckNorrisDex, to scan Pokémon from this region, and your NorrisCard. That's your license to be a Pokémon trainer in this region."

"By the way Receptionist Amanda, why is this place called the Chuck Norris Region?"

Suddenly, everyone in the tollbooth gasped.

"How could you not know?" asked Receptionist Amanda. "It's called Chuck Norris Region because this is where Chuck Norris resides."

"Oh okay. Who's Chuck Norris?"

An even louder gasp was heard.

"Only one of the awesomest mortal human beings ever."

"Oh okay."

"Alright Ash, your total payment will be 10,000 CN (Chuck Norris) Coins."

"WHAT? THAT MUCH?"

"Yes, because you are bringing in a Pikachu from another region, 1000 coins, you are an idiot, 2,000 coins, and tax would be 7,000 coins."

"WHERE WILL I GET THAT MONEY? IT'S NOT LIKE MONEY GROWS ON TREES OR FALLS FROM THE SKY?"

"Actually, the Money Plant exists here in the Chuck Norris Region but—"

Suddenly, another bright light appeared and a huge bag of coins dropped from the sky, knocking out Ash.

_30 minutes later_…

Ash gave the huge bag of coins, (which had a note on it: Sorry again Ash, I couldn't give the money any hypnotic food substance…) to the receptionist, with a bandage around his head and a crutch under his left arm.

"Thank you very much Ash Ketchum from Pallet Town, you may proceed."

"Yo-your ve-ery we-welcome…" said Ash in a weak and creaky tone as he limped out of the tollbooth.

_To be continued…_

**_AUTHOR'S NOTES:_ AHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! FAIL, ASH! XD This was super fun to write. Ash is just sooooo dumb. This by the way will be somewhat connected to my other story, Pokemon: The Next Journey. I hope you enjoy this series. I didn't put much description in this chapter because I believe you guys already know how Ash looks like...**


	2. Premium Pokéballs!

**The Misadventures of Ash Ketchum in the Chuck Norris Region…**

**Chapter 2**

**Pokéballs!**

**NOTES:** Just to clear things, please read chapter 1. Second, please understand that this is in my POV. Got it? And to clarify that I'm talking to Ash as well, the text will be in like [this.] Understand? Good.

* * *

><p>(In a deep narrator voice) Good morningevening! Since we're in the Chuck Norris region, and Chuck Norris banned the idea of the morning being separated from the evening, let's just call it good morevening! Our (dumb) hero Ash Ketchum has been wondering aimlessly through tall patches of grass and has unfortunately caught nothing! Let's see what he's up to! (music plays)

"ARGH! WHY MUST MY POKÉBALLS FAIL?"

Ash threw another scrunched up paper ball onto what seemed to be a fat bird.

"_Fatbird_!_ Fatbird_!" it crowed.

[THAT'S BECAUSE _IDIOT_, you're throwing scrunched up paper balls!]

"Wait wha? Who said who?" asked Ash, looking around.

[I did.]

I materialized quickly, in front of Ash.

"What are you doing? Stalking me and materializing in front of me? It's like you have a _crush_ on me! You're embarrassing me in front of everybody!"

The Fatbird crowed again.

[My, my Ash. You actually know what _crush_ means. But guess what. It's only Fatbird here.]

Ash spinned his head back and forth.

"WELL! These are real Pokéballs—" he picked it up and shoved the paper ball in front of my face, "and I'll prove it!"

Taking aim, Ash threw the scrunched paper ball and it hit smack on the eyeball of the Fatbird.

Nothing happened.

[Where did you get those so-called _Pokéballs_?]

"A random bloke. I remember…"

_FLASHBACK!_

(CHANGE OF POV! ASH'S TURN!)

"Lalalalalalala!"

It was a wonderful, beauty-ish day! I sent Pikachu in fact to pick flowers, so I can give it to myself! After all, it's my birthday! I'm turning ten again! I never turn older, even though I'm supposed to be 21! (Ash's birthday according to his ORIGINAL creator was May 22. Happy belated.)

When suddenly….

"Hey you!"

It was big burly guy! He wore a sleeveless white tank top, with hair growing from all directions! He was FAT.

"Wanna buy some premium Pokéballs?"

The bloke drew out a clean bond paper. Drawing with a few crayons, he drew three Pokémon. I recognized them immediately. It was a Bulbasaur, a Charmander, and a Squirtle. (.com/albums/oo183/hikari_ CREDIT TO: **hikari_miyako**)

"WOAH! Three Pokémon all together!" I pulled up my ChuckNorrisDex. In it's robotic voice, it said, "_Three Pokémon from the Kanto region. These are special, because they are Paper!_"

"Paper?" I asked.

"_Yes. Paper. Like Shiny. So these Pokémon are Paper Bulbasaur, Paper Charmander, and Paper Squirtle._"

"Sure kid. Now watch. I will use one of my premium Pokéballs," said the man, drawing another bond paper, "and capture them all with one Pokéball!"

"Wow! Is that possible?" I asked genuinely.

"Yeah! Watch!"

He crumpled the paper onto the drawing, locking it into one crumpled ball.

"Ta-da!" he said. He drew out his hand. "Want one? It's 1,000 CN (Chuck Norris) coins a piece."

I drew out all my money and slammed it into the hand of the man.

"Done deal."

_FLASHBACK DONE!_

(Back to 's point of view)

_SLAP!_

[Stop drooling! You made a scam of yourself!]

"OW! I DID NOT. I HAPPEN TO KNOW WHEN I GET SCAMMED OR NOT. Like when YOU scammed ME!"

[I did not scam you.]

"See! You made the Fatbird escape."

Ash was right. The Fatbird fled.

[Like you were going to capture it.]

"Fudge you. Hey, where's Pikachu?"

_Pika pika!_ (Here I am!)

"Oh there you are Pikachu. Well NARRATOR, I'm tired. I guess I'm going to sleep now. TOMMROW I CHALLENGE THE GYM LEADER!"

[Do you even know where he is?]

"It's a he? I thought the gym leader was a she."

[Before that, you need decent Pokéballs.]

"SHUT UP!"

_To be continued…_


	3. The First Gym

**The Misadventures of Ash Ketchum in the Chuck Norris Region…**

**Chapter 3**

**The First Gym**

**NOTES:** Just to clear things, please read chapter 1 and 2. Second, please understand that this is in my POV. Got it? And to clarify that I'm talking to Ash as well, the text will be in like [this.] Understand? Good.

"Gah! Stupid, stupid, stupid maze!"

Apparently, Ash got lost.

_Pika, pika, _groaned Pikachu. He had noticed how exceedingly dumb Ash has become. In the Chuck Norris Region's first gym, there happens to be a "maze" which consists of one corridor, leading straight to the gym leader, Myg.

There were no traps, other trainers, just a bamboo floor, stretching for about 30 feet, then an elevated platform, perfect for having Pokémon battles. There, Myg waited day and night for Ash to approach him.

There was nothing at all hindering Ash except his own mind.

He thought that there could be no gym with out any secrets, and he believed that there was an invisible wall (much like Koga's gym back in Kanto) blocking his way.

_Bam!_ Ash fell backwards as he hit his imaginary wall. (By the way, the _bam_ was a sound effect from Ash's own lips.)

"Ugh… there HAS to be a way through this wall…" Ash growled.

Myg, a man who seemed to combined a dirty feel and a formal aura in his essence, facepalmed himself. Sweat could be seen rolling across his thick, hairless, brow down to his dirty (yet formal) coat. Oh, why did he decide not to have any assistants? If he had one, he could have made him or her drag Ash and bring him to the center of the gym. Because Myg, having no legs, couldn't do the job. And besides. Ash didn't want him to help anyway.

"Ash. How many times do I have to tell you, _THERE ISN'T_ _AN INVISIBLE WALL IN MY GYM!_ Just, _WALK STRAIGHT!_"

"How can I walk straight? THERE'S A WALL IN FRONT OF ME!" said Ash. He tried pushing the invisible wall, to no avail.

"Where in the first place would I get an _invisible wall?_" asked Myg nonchalantly.

"Walmart, duh. They sell all sorts of walls. I bought my mom a wall that could toprave for Christmas."

[Ash, Walmart doesn't exist in Kanto.]

"Oh sure it does. You just right on W 37th St., go down Broadway, and there's Walmart. Wait a minute… it's the talking voice again! I told you, you have a crush on me since you keep stalking me."

[FOR THE LAST TIME, I DO NOT HAVE A CRUSH ON YOU.]

"Whatever," said Ash.

Myg was puzzled. "Okay, that's new, talking with yourself… Ash, I think you should go and visit a psychiatrist before challenging me."

"What? Why would I need to visit some dumb psychiatrist? The last time my mom sent me there, the weirdo woman told me I have delusions, I'm immature for my age, I have low IQ, and should be sent to a mental hospital! Like, _she_ should go to a mental hospital! I have a higher IQ than Alakazam, just to let you know," Ash quipped.

"Uh… riiiiight. So, I'll just take a nap now, and if you ever figure out that there isn't a invisible wall, or like… you have a left hand–"

"Wait a minute, I have a left hand?" said Ash in disbelief. "No way. Only Pokemon Eggs have left hands."

This time, Pikachu facepalmed himself (with his left hand...)

_To Be Continued…_


End file.
